


You Feel like Home

by cyclone5000



Series: Hiraeth [1]
Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure, Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02, Digimon Adventure tri.
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Multi, Other, Sorato (Past), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 22:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4583256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyclone5000/pseuds/cyclone5000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Mature Content. After the death of his girlfriend, Yamato has enough of loss and is ready to bite the bullet and take the plunge. But with his luck and some bad timing, every time he tries to he gets interrupted from his ex-friend asking for Yamato to come babysit. Every person has their use, but  Yamato's is at a point where he's had enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Feel like Home

 

_Dear Sora,_  
_Life without you has been miserable_  
_I miss you every day. And I want nothing more than to see you one last time._  
_The only chance I can ever be happy is if you're here with me._  
_Either way. I can't spend one more day without you._  
_I miss you more than I can bear. I'm coming to see you again.  
_ _Yamato._

Eyes that used to be as clear as the sky were bloodshot, tired, and dreary. Yamato's appearance matched his surroundings, the place he called home, perfectly. Just like how the walls were dingy, the floor was a mess, and the entire flat was littered with trash. Yamato's body was soiled with in the same exact way..

He read over his note. His letter that was placed next to a picture of him smiling with his beautiful Sora. He didn't look much cleaner in the picture, but he was immeasurably happier. With the shining presence of his love wrapped around him as the two of them modestly hugged and smiled. Everything was much better when Sora was concerned.

He took a drag out of his cigarette. Puffing out his last breath of nicotine as he stubbed out the flame and left both the photograph and letter together on his bed. He was ready to take his final resting place. A bathroom wasn't exactly the best place for death, but Yamato figured that such a dirty place would be fine with a such a dirty person. The tub was already filled with water-although the water was a light piss color due to the caked on dirt and residue along the porcelain. Yamato didn't care, he didn't mind. He stripped down to nothing. Grabbed his razorblades. And sank down into the tub.

Should he be feeling something? Should he be feeling anything as he made two slits on each of his wrists? He could barely notice himself breathing as his head thumped with his heartbeat and his skin prickled with the wetness of lukewarm water.

The yellowish water turned pinkish, and Yamato sank as far as he could down into the tub.

He closed his eyes. Finally this hellish life could end. Finally he could reach peace. Finally he could be with someone he loved again. Finally-

- _RING RING-_

What the hell was that

_-RING RING-_

Was that Yamato's phone? Yamato never got phone calls. Unless it was his dealers demanding for their money.

_-RING RING-_

He should ignore it. What did it matter. He's dead anyway.

_-RING RING-_

Fuck.

Water splashed everywhere as Yamato shot up out of the tub and vaulted out of the bathroom. Now that he was out of the water he could feel everything. How lightheaded he was, how dizzy moving made him. How much his wrists ached and stung. Wincing all the same, dragging his feet across the floor, Yamato grabbed ahold of the phone and picked it up.

"He," Yamato cleared his throat. His mouth was so dry that it hurt, "Hello?"

" _Yamato? It's me Taichi."_

What the fuck.

" _Okay no need to start off with that right off the bat!"_

What? Was that said aloud?  
" _Yes you idiot! Now get your head out of your ass and pay attention!"_

Yamato blinked the soreness out of his eye. Taichi, the guy he hadn't heard of or seen in years, called him. Yagami, the fucking prick that ruined everything Yamato strived. Yagami Taichi, the prick who swore never to realize Yamato's existence.

That Taichi? That's the guy that was calling him?  
Yamato swallowed down the buildup of dry saliva. He had to lean against the wall for support as he evened out his breathing, "What do you want?" Yamato consciously asked.

He heard Taichi growl from across the phone line. The action made Yamato immediately put up his defenses and straightened up. He had no idea why Taichi would ever call him. Not after their last conversation all those years ago. He wasn't sure what to expect, but if Taichi was going to start a fight well he wasn't just going to sit back and take the beatings.

" _Listen up okay. I don't even want to be calling you right now-believe me, you're the last person I'd want to ask about this. But I don't have a choice right now okay? Okay. I need you to do me a favor."_

"Wha-"

" _Kouta has a talent show thing. And I need you to pick him up and take him back home for me."_

"Kouta? Who's-"  
" _My son you asshole! Or did you forget about that!"_

"Hey-"

" _Listen. I don't give a shit okay. I really don't want to ask you to do this. Quite frankly, I don't want you to be anywhere near him! But I don't have a choice! I'm not gonna be able to pick him up. And unfortunately at this point I don't have anyone I can ask. So this is why I'm calling you."_

Yamato could feel his breathing getting stuck in his throat. His head started to hurt and he couldn't register if this was really Taichi calling him or if this was some crazy sort of delusion that he couldn't break out of. This couldn't be happening for real right? There was no possible Yagami Taichi was actually calling him and asking him something like this. No fucking way. Not in a million years. Yeah, this was just some kind of a dream. Some weird twisted up dream before he could fall asleep and stay asleep it had to be-

" _Yamato!"_  Taichi's yelling broke the tireless Yamato out of his trance, " _What! You want me to pay you for help is that it! Well then fine! I'll give you however much you want! I need you to pick up my son and take him home. Can you do that for me!"_

Yamato clenched his fist. This was no dream, "Yeah sure. Fine." He croaked out, his throat scratchy with dryness as he couldn't even picture what Taichi would have looked like over the phone.

" _Okay! Good._ " Taichi's yelling softened, " _Listen. There's a safety password for when you meet up with him alright? The password is Splashdown. Got it? Splash. Down. Don't forget it okay? Okay!"_

"Yeah yeah okay."

" _Alright. Good. He goes to the private school over by the station. It's not hard to find. He gets done at 5."_  Yamato heard Taichi take a deep breath, " _Don't mess this up okay Yamato. It's one job. Just one thing. You can at least manage one job. Whatever you do. Don't fuck this up."_

"Fine."

Yamato slammed the phone shut and threw it back on the bedside table. He took shaky breaths as he tried to process what the hell just happened to him. Never in his life had this happened to him. Never in his life would he have predicted something like this could have happened to him.

Taichi asked for his help. Taichi hated Yamato. And Yamato hated him right back.

Yamato's tongue felt heavy, but he still ran it over his lips. Why did he even agree to this.

Cussing out louder than necessary, Yamato forced himself out of bed and dragged himself back to the bathroom.

He grabbed gauze, sanitizer and bandage tape. He picked up the cleanest towel he had. He had to leave soon if he was going to reach the school in time.

* * *

 

He wore some of the cleaner clothes he owned. A pair of faded torn black jeans, a hoodie and a shirt that had some wear and tear by the collar. It wasn't until he reached the gates of the school that he felt dirty again. Dirtier than he had been at home even. The school was proper, the kind that looked like they had lockers for each grade and fun learning enrichment for every kind of student. Just looking at the hybrid school made Yamato want to turn around. To go back to his grimy home, to go back to the pits where he felt comforted by. It wasn't until he took a moment to think about the damage Taichi could potentially do (the kind worse than yelling over the phone) is when he mustered up the strength to sit down on the outside steps, take out a cigarette and start smoking while loitering.

He wasn't actually going to go inside. Hell no.

Half a pack later and Yamato noticed both kids and their parents were shuffling out of the building. All of them looked like they belonged in those photographs inside of picture frames at craft stores. Some of the parents noticed Yamato sitting on the outside steps. They all pulled their kids close to them and tried to walk past him faster. Ha. Yamato didn't blame them.

He threw another burnt out cigarette on the ground in front of him. Waiting for the crowd to thin out before he stood up. Come to think of it. He had never actually seen Taichi's kid before...well. Not recent enough to actually know what he looks like. How would he even recognize him?

Yamato turned around to walk up the steps of the dignified school. As he climbed up he saw a small kid, with unruly hair that looked like he tried to comb it back and failed. A neat uniform and tan complexion and large brown eyes that were looking back and forth in search of something.

Of course, Taichi's son would take after him.

"Uh…" Yamato cleared his throat, catching the kid's attention, "Hey, Kouta right?" Yamato's jaw went slack as he was responded with intense questioning eyes from the kid, "Uh, I'm Yamato. I'm a...friend of your dad's. He told me to pick you up."

The small kid was rigid and tense. His lips were flat as his eyes looked up and down Yamato's in silent judgement, "Password."

Yamato didn't like the look in the kid's eyes. Even less after he heard the tone in his voice,

"Uh. It's splash down."

"...Okay." The kid, or rather Kouta, nodded. Yamato could see the rigidity in this kid from head to toe. There was a sternness in his posture that looked like he was trying to be authoritative. Kouta adjusted the straps on his backpack before walking down the steps and past Yamato, "I have piano practice in 27 minutes. And I don't like to be late. After that I need to be taken home. I want to be in bed no later than 7 PM. Got it."

No. No Yamato did not 'got it', "Woah, kid." Yamato was drab in speech in comparison to Taichi's son perfect and efficient speaking, "No no no. Taichi, he didn't mention any of that stuff he just said that I had to take you home."

"And we will go home." Kouta turned around and looked up at Yamato. Even if the height difference between the young child and scraggly adult was obvious, Kouta didn't act as if he was smaller than Yamato, "After I finish my practice. Practice that I now have 26 minutes to get to. So let's hurry up."

"Hey-" Yamato tried to interject, but by the time he could manage to take in what the kid was saying to him, formulate a response, and open his mouth, Kouta was already turned back around and walking. What a brazen kid. He definitely took after Taichi. Bastard

Yamato groaned, he picked up the pace and walked behind Kouta, letting him lead as he 'took' him to practice.

* * *

 

They had gotten to practice on time. Despite Kouta saying that they arrived slower than usual, and that he'll let it slide just this once.

Yamato decided to let the arrogant kid's talking slide too. It's not like they'd be doing this again anytime soon.

Yamato sat at a bench that Kouta picked out and told him to wait at. He was going to grab another cigarette to smoke,but Kouta reprimanded him by telling that this was a nonsmoking area and he wasn't going to get kicked out all because Yamato couldn't curb his habit for 40 minutes. Tch. Damn brat. Didn't he realize what a long ass time that was to be sitting around and doing nothing.

Yamato slouched against the wall as he brooded to himself. Bored out of his mind he looked through empty space that separated between the visiting area and the empty hall room where there were electronic pianos styled to look like non-electronic keyboards.

Most of the kids looked like they were 7-10 years old. There were a couple of toddlers, a few choice teenagers who took the role of teaching and tutoring kids whenever they noticed something amiss.

Most of the kids were messing around and playing with each other. Chattering in their childish ways as they played somethings on the pianos in front of them. The clash of music notes that shouldn't have been played together was overpowering and loud. A part of Yamato cringed, that wasn't how musical instruments should have been played or treated. It almost made him care.

Kouta was in one corner of the room. Unlike the others, he stayed in front of his piano and paid no attention to anyone else. He physically blocked out everyone else by plugging in a pair of headphones into his piano. Yamato couldn't see the details of his music sheets, but he could see Kouta tapping along the silenced piano without hesitation. Kouta's fingers danced about the keys of the piano without so much as a misstep.

When the instructor came to the front of the classroom, all of the kids stopped fussing around and sat straight in their seats. He then asked the group if anyone wanted to show everyone what all they had been practicing.

Kouta shot his hand up, his headphones around his neck and the jack unplugged from the piano. When the instructor nodded toward him. He started playing.

Yamato sat up as he heard Kouta's music from the negative space in between then. The piece had that classical ring of melody that was easily remembered, even if no one could remember the composer or title of the song. The keys that Yamato say Kouta press easily when he was playing to himself, now held a meaning. As the music from each soft press of the piano keys was flawlessly strung about from one measure to the next. Yamato almost swelled in nostalgia, he knew exactly what practiced music sounded like, and whatever the piece Kouta was playing, he had it down at a near memorized level. It was impressive and talented. Something only focus and determination could bring about.

When Kouta stopped playing, the instructor looked proud (enough for a grizzly old man at least) and asked for any other students to play their pieces. However, The kids around Kouta didn't share the same approving look. Most of them glared, some of them clicked their tongues and definitely looked straight ahead at their own pianos. Yamato couldn't tell if Kouta noticed the other children's apparent disapproval, but if he was aware of the angry stares, he definitely didn't show it on his face.

Yamato pressed his lips together and looked down at the ground. This would be a long 40 minutes indeed.

* * *

 

"Here is fine." Kouta spouted out as they walked into the front lobby of the apartment complex.

"What?" Yamato halted, "Your dad I was to take you home, not to the lobby of your home."

"All that's left is an elevator ride up," Kouta was gruff in his response. Still he held his head high as he looked back up at Yamato, "I don't need you to chaperone me any further. I can press a button and go up an elevator by myself."

"Yeah but-"

"This is fine."

Yamato pressed his lips together and stared down at the kid. Despite being no older than ten, there was something so...unapproachable about him. And Yamato knew a thing about unapproachable, he was the grand king of icy demeanor. He knew all about how wrinkled his natural set frown was, how sharp his eyes could be. He always had that face whenever he wanted to be alone and not around any more people.

But...this was a kid. Kouta was just a kid, and technically Yamato was the one responsible for him until Taichi showed up. He thought about how it'd look like if Kouta was just sitting by himself past dinner waiting for his dad to show up.

"I'm going up now." Kouta's cut reply was strong, "Good bye...Yamato." He paused searching for the right thing to call the adult,and once he settled the doors to elevator beeped open and in he went.

"Uh-wait-" Yamato called out, but he missed his chance to say anything more as the elevator doors closed.

He stood there, in the lobby of the homely apartment complex. The kind of apartment complex that was borderline upper middle class, the type that didn't have a pool, but definitely had an ample living room space. The kind of housing that he could definitely see Taichi moving into, and precisely why Yamato didn't fit into it at all.

"..." Yamato stuffed his hands into his pockets and left the lobby, time for him to go back to where he belonged.

* * *

 

_Dear Sora,_  
_Believe it or not. I've somehow managed to feel even worse than I did before._  
_Today was like a big obvious sign telling me that my time in the world is up. That there was no other place for me to belong._  
_Well any other place without you is already upsetting enough._  
_I don't know if I'll ever find joy without you in my life._  
_So alas. I'm going to meet with you one more time._  
_I miss you so much that it's unbearable.  
_ _Yamato._

The empty pill bottles overfilled Yamato's bedside table. It got to the point where they were practically falling over each other and the white oval pills were dripping onto the ground like water droplets. Yamato couldn't even remember what all he had bought from his usual dealer. Zoloft? Vicodin? Zalephon? Who knows. All he knew is that if he took enough of them, he'd eventually fall asleep and never wake up again.

He laid down on his wrinkled bed. Not caring for mess around him as he laid down on his side and waiting for the medication to work its magic. Truthfully he should be laying down on his stomach for it to be the most harmful toward himself. But he liked sleeping on his side. If this was to be the last few moments of his consciousness, might as well be comfortable.

Speaking of which, these pills were taking their sweet time working. Did he buy expired pills? That was a possibility, it's not like he had money on him to buy the best kind of drugs.

Looking at the state of his pitiful room, Yamato took one last sigh as he settle further in his hard mattress and flat pillow. He closed his eyes and thought of Sora. How comforting it was whenever she hugged him whenever they laid down together. How her hair always felt soft no matter what kind of trouble they got in the night prior. How waking up to her would mean the world to him. It'd mean that he was worth living .

_-RING RING-_

Oh shit. The phone.

_-RING RING-_

Ignore it. It doesn't matter anymore.

_-RING RING-_

He was going to be with Sora. He was going to be worth value again. He was going to be happy again.

_-RING RING-_

Aw. Fuck.

"Tch." Yamato sat back up and grabbed his telephone to get it to shut up. He wanted to slam it back down on the receiver. Slam it down so hard that it'd fall off the bedside table and crash down the puddle of mixed up pills down where he'd never see them ever again. But his arm moved without thinking, and instead of throwing the phone into oblivion, he held it up to his ear, "..." Yamato groaned to himself, "Hello?"

" _Yamato. It's me Taichi."_

Shit shit shit.

" _Oh you bet your ass you're in deep shit!"_  Taichi yelled over the phone. Yamato must have supposed he actually spoke out his thoughts, again. Damn being lightheaded, " _Yamato what the fuck were you thinking!"_

"What are you talking about-"

" _I'm talking about when you took Kouta home! How could you just leave him like that!"_

"He said it was fine…"

" _Fine. Fine? He's a nine year old kid! And you didn't even walk him to the door! What the hell Yamato!?"_

"Look," Yamato tried his best to sit up straight. As if Taichi could see him over the phone and having an authoritative posture mattered, "You told me to take him home. And all of the sudden I gotta take him to piano practice? What the hell was up with that!"

" _Oh boo hoo, you had to sit and wait around in an air conditioned building, so what!"_

"So what? So what! You could have at least told me that before I went to go pick him up!"

" _What difference would it have made!"_

"It makes all the difference!"

" _What? If you had known prior that you'd have to take him to practice, then you would have taken care of my child like you had promised to do!?"_

"Look! He's alright right? What's the big deal!"

" _He's all alone by himself Yamato! He's a kid this is not okay!"_

"What?" Yamato rubbed his temples, "You're home right? He's fine-"

" _I'm not home yet!"_  Yamato's eyes widened. Even if Taichi's yelling didn't cease, " _I don't give a damn what you are doing right now-go back to my place, and check on my son-and make sure that he is alright!"_

"Why aren't you home-"

" _That's not important! Can you do this or can't you!"_

"Of course it's important Taichi!"

" _Oh shut up! What's important is that you don't fuck this up like all the other times! Now go check up on my son. Make sure he's eaten some dinner. Make sure he's done his homework, make sure that he goes to bed-"_

-A loud sound riveted through the ear piece. It was loud to the point that a sharp electronic shrill rung through Yamato's landline.

"Taichi? What the fuck was-"

" _-Fucking shit!"_ Yamato heard Taichi verbally cuss out, " _Look Yamato. Are you going to do this or not?"_

"Well I…"

" _What do you need me to do huh? Money? Is that what you want? You want me to beg again? Well fine. I'm on my knees begging! Are you going to do this for me or not?"_

Yamato rubbed his hands over his face. Suddenly his head was hurting and he wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't, "Yes fine. I'll go over and check on your son."

" _Okay good! Make sure you do this right!"_  Taichi's voice started to strain, " _Take care of my kid Yamato!"_

"Taichi?" Yamato tried shouting into the phone, but got nothing more than a dead dial tone. Waiting for some kind of response. Yamato eventually gave up and hung up the phone.

What the hell was that. The harder Yamato thought about that phone call with Taichi the more he realized how strange it was. Thinking about it, Yamato could recall some muffled shouts in the background, distinct loud bangs and slams that sounded a lot like...a fight? Something like that at least.

"Damn it!" Yamato shot of under his breath. He sprinted up to his feet and hauled ass into the bathroom. He grabbed his bottle of mouthwash and unscrewed the lip, and with a snap he flicked the toilet seat cover up. Granted the site of such an uncleaned toilet would be enough for anyone to gag and puke, seeing as Yamato was used to the unsightly status of his bathroom, he had to take a deep breath and shove a finger down his throat.

All pills were shoveled out of his system. Hopefully. Damn those were a lot of undigested pills.

After his mouth was rinsed clear out of his sickening bile, and the toilet flushed it all down. He went back to his note that was next to the picture of his beloved Sora and him. He ripped it up and threw the tiny pieces next to the pills that were scattered around his bedpost.

Not now at least. He had to go make sure the snotty brat had some dinner in his stomach.

* * *

 

Honestly. Honest to God-How was he even held together at this point. Yamato had made it to the proper apartment complex and he had even managed to make it on the right floor. He knew that for sure, he even checked the directory twice for the Yagami Family name. 11th floor. Room 1106. He had made it here despite his head being cloudy and his stomach aching on air.

He rang the doorbell, twice for good measure, he tried not to sway too much while waiting for the door to open again.

The click of the lock unwinding became clear and on the other side was Kouta, still wearing proper clothes despite just being at home, "...It's you again." He blinked slowly as he held the door tight with his hands, "What are you doing here?"

"...Your dad called me again." Yamato shrugged, "He got mad at me for leaving you alone. So I'm here. To make you unalone." Yamato paused, that was a dumb thing to say.

"Thanks but I don't need to be taken care of anymore. I'm fine."

"Uh no," Yamato held the door, "I'm coming here. and I'm not leaving your side until Taichi comes back."

Kouta flinched. Now he was tense,but this time it was a different kind of tension. Not the prudish class act like Yamato noticed before, but something in him that made him wary about whether or not he was okay with this.

"I uh, still know the safety word. Splash on." Yamato shrugged again.

Kouta's shoulders fell, "It was Splashdown."

"Yeah yeah. Same thing."

"It's not really."

"Are you going to let me in or not?"

"...Fine." Kouta moved aside and opened the door wider, "You can take your shoes off over there."

Yamato nodded, walking in through the door and closing it behind him. He did as he was told, and pulled off his worn boots and pushed them in the corner with his feet. He couldn't help but notice how aligned and neat the rest of the shoes were. It was enough to make Yamato go back and make sure his were straight as well.

The apartment was modest enough. It was surprisingly...normal. It was clean enough for the two people that lived inside. It had some minor interior design problems, but when you have a put together home, who cares if the rug doesn't exactly match the pattern on the throw pillows.

"...So...um," Yamato walked after Kouta, so sat down on the table in between the kitchen and living. There were papers and textbooks littered across the table top, and as Kouta sat down, he picked up a pencil and started writing stuff, "Have you eaten?"

"I'm not very hungry." Kouta responded coldly as he tried to focus on what was in front of him.

Yamato reminded himself to be nice, "Yeah but, you should eat you know."

"There is no point in eating food if you aren't going to have enough stomach to swallow it down." Kouta retorted without so much as a emotion in his tone, "I'm not hungry. I won't make myself eat."

"Look just eat a little bit okay. Just a little bit." Yamato tried the next option, bargaining, "That way when your dad comes back, he won't instantly chew my head off or anything."

Kouta stopped moving his pencil. If anything he froze, gripping his pencil tight as his large brown eyes watered a little, "Is Dad coming back?"

"Huh? Of course he is," Yamato noticed Kouta sucking in a deep breath, "Why wouldn't he?"

"Dad is never this late."

"...It's Taichi. I'm sure he lost track of time, or he's hanging out with friends or whatever. He'll be back."

"No. Dad never loses track of time. Dad never hangs out with friends. And most importantly he is never ever late," Kouta's lips were pulled tight in a line, he looked up at Yamato with his eyes that were stubbornly trying not to showcase any 'weak' emotion, "Something must have happened. Did he tell you anything?"  
"...No...not really," Yamato wasn't lying. Taichi didn't say anything. He wasn't even sure if he even had that conversation with Taichi. Great, now he had that headache again.

Kouta's tense face of worry didn't fluster. He turned back to his homework page and started writing again, "Dad's never late though. I know something must have happened." Kouta muttered more to himself rather than to Yamato. Although Yamato made no gesture to try to reaffirm that.

With his dirty blond fringe covering his forehead, Yamato sighed to himself and looked around the surroundings again. The kitchen surprisingly had no dishes in the sink and was more spotless than he could ever give Taichi credit too. Was Taichi making enough money to hire a maid? Must be. There was no way Taichi could ever clean this well himself.

On the front of the fridge was a folded sheet of paper that had a crayon drawing on it. Held up by the boring basic office oriented magnet was a drawing of a bigger stick person next to a smaller one. They both had brown hair that spiked out in several directions and the same colored eyes. There was a box house behind the two people along with a tree and a sun with sunglasses in the corner.

It was pretty cute.

"Did you draw that?" Yamato asked, pointing to the picture.

Kouta looked up to the fridge. He looked away as if he was shy, "It was a while ago though. Dad insists on keeping it there. I don't think it's that good. But he likes it." Kouta went back to his homework page. The small blush on his cheeks was hidden away by his tan skin.

Yamato smiled to himself, now that sounded a lot like something Taichi would do.

One time when they were in elementary school together they had to draw their favorite animal and explain why they liked it. Taichi drew a giant dinosaur that looked more like Godzilla as fire came out of his mouth. Yamato drew a picture of a wolf with a mouth in the background. Even if Yamato didn't like his own picture, Taichi insisted that it was the best thing he had ever seen in his life, and begged Yamato to give it to him so that he would treasure it forever and ever.

Yamato's smile faded. Taichi probably threw away that picture a long time ago. Why did he even bother remembering that stupid memory in the first place.

- _Ring Ring-_

The ring tone of the house phone in Taichi's apartment was softer, more melodic than Yamato's harsh phone booth styled ringtone. Yamato turned around and saw that the ringing phone had been placed conveniently right in front of Kouta-who had pick up the phone instantly.

"Hello?" Kouta spoke quietly in the receiver. Biting his bottom lip as his small hands were both used to clutch the phone comfortably, "Dad? Dad!" Kouta's tone lightened up, and his grip on the phone eased, "Where are you-oh no. Everything is okay. I'm okay." Yamato saw Kouta nodd as he hummed in agreement, "No I'm not alone. Yamato is here with me." Kouta glanced up at Yamato before he shot his gaze back down at the table, "Yeah, everything is okay. Really it is. Huh? Oh okay. No problem. I love you too."

Kouta moved the phone away from his ear and handed it toward Yamato, "Dad wants to talk to you."

Yamato eyed the phone. His narrow eyes matched with his grit teeth as he tried to prepare himself for whatever was going to happen as he took the phone. Taichi was unpredictable-him constantly calling him to babysit after ten years of no contact was more than enough proof of that. That didn't mean that Yamato wouldn't try to mentally steel himself from whatever Taichi had in store for him.

"..." Yamato took the phone out of Kouta's hands and put it against his ear, "Hello?"

" _Go to the other room."_

"..." Yamato scowled. Of course the bratty kid gets the sweet tone but Yamato gets the malice.

Not so much as looking at Kouta, Yamato walked over toward the living room, settling in the farthest off wall before talking, "Okay. I'm in another room now what's-"

" _Look okay. Some things happened. Alright. I won't be home until much much later, so just stick around until Kouta goes to bed and then lock the door on your way out okay?"_

"Not okay Taichi." Yamato's curt reply sounded mad in comparison to Taichi's vague explanation, "Look, when are you getting back here. Your kid keeps glaring at me and I don't appreciate it at all and I want to get out of here."

" _Well I don't give a shit about where you want to be. I'm not gonna be able to come back home for a while okay so just stay there for now."_

"Where the hell are you even? Look if you need someone to come get you, then I'll go over there right now."

" _I don't exactly know where I am-"_

"Well then figure it out, and call me back and then this horrid night can be over with okay-"

" _Wait! Don't hang up the phone!"_

"What?"

" _Look man, just-"_ Taichi stopped talking and Yamato to hear him breathing in. Yamato could picture Taichi with his hand on his forehead trying not to calm down enough so he didn't start yelling, " _This is my one phone call."_

"What?" Yamato shook his head, "What does that even mean."

" _It means, this is my one phone call."_

"..." Yamato started pacing back and forth along the side of the wall, "Wait a second," Yamato stopped pacing, "Are you in  _jail?!"_

" _Kinda, not really-I've been detained it's not like a jail cell per say-"_

"But it's a cell regardless! Fuck Taichi! What the hell did you do!?"

" _I didn't do anything!"_

"Oh so that's why you're in jail right now isn't it!"

" _Lower your voice! I don't want Kouta to hear this!"_

"What? Hear that his idiot dad who always fucking preaches about being above the common filth landed his dumbass in jail!?"

" _Oh now you're the one that's on the pedestal of what's right or wrong!"_

"Well at least I'm don't knock up women and get my ass in jail!"

" _Go fuck yourself Yamato!"_

"Better than rotting behind bars!"

"nnh.."

Yamato paused, what the hell was that noise.

He could hear Taichi sigh out loudly, " _Kouta, champ,"_  Taichi's voice was softer, sweeter even, " _Hang up the other line okay. I need to talk to Yamato right now."_

"But dad…"

" _Dad's fine 's perfectly fine. You don't worry about a thing alright."_ Taichi tried to chuckle. Yamato could tell that it wasn't genuine, " _Look if you need someone to sign your reading paper, tell Yamato to do it okay. It'll be fine. I'll be back before you know it."_

"...Okay."  
" _Love you son."_  
"Love you too Dad."

Yamato pressed his lips together, sinking his head into the wall as he stayed quiet over the line. He knew Taichi was still on it, he could here mutter something incoherent and puff out short breaths over the phone.

" _Look,"_  Taichi wasn't yelling anymore, he sounded reasonable now, " _I already talked to a lawyer about this. There is still some...processing stuff. But they told me I can be out of here by 4 AM. But until then I need to make sure that Kouta will be okay and such, and I don't have a choice right now but to ask you to take care of him."_

"Taichi, this is not what I usually do. I'm not fit for this kind of job. You know that better than anyone else."  
" _Well you're not exactly on the top of my emergency contact list Yamato. But I don't have a choice right now."_  Taichi's voice kept tapering off to a near plea, " _Can you do this for me or not?"_

"..." Yamato's chest hurt. It physically lost room and it made it hard to breath and his head started didn't want his stomach to do flips, but instead it was doing cartwheels and he wasn't sure whether or not he could ground himself or not, "Fine. I'll do this." Yamato could hear his heartbeat in his ears.

" _Okay."_ Taichi didn't sound relieved, tired yes, exhausted yes, maybe that's what overpowered his gratitude, " _If you need any money for Kouta-and I mean only for Kouta. There's a safe in my room. The passcode is his birthday."_

There was another pause.

" _Please take care of my son Yamato."_

Then the line went dead.

Yamato still had trouble breathing as he turned off the cordless phone. He stared down at the ground as his temples were throbbing in pain and he didn't know what he should do. He couldn't even take care of himself. He couldn't even look himself in a mirror. Now the prick who branded him as useless garbage wants him to take care of a kid. Another living human being. What the hell kind of twisted fate was this?

"Is my dad really in jail?" Kouta's quiet voice tore through the silence. Like a tiny dull ring trying to sound brave. Only it just sounded immensely terrified.

"...Yeah." Yamato didn't turn around. He didn't really have the courage to see the scared face of a small Taichi look-alike.

He could have swore he heard sniffling, "He's not gonna be okay is he?" That small sounds of sniffling got louder, more frequent, more like crying and sobbing.

Yamato's head got lighter, damn it. What the hell was he supposed to do.

He thought about Sora. And how she was always so caring and kind. She always knew what to say, and how to approach people.  
If only she was here. She know what to do.

"I want my dad…" Kouta whined out between a loud sniff and more broken sobs.

_Please take care of my son Yamato._

Shit. he had no time to wallow right now. He had to do this one thing right.

"Look," Yamato turned around and walked over toward Kouta, "Everything is going to be alright,' He knelt down in front of the kid, trying to even out the level between them, "I'm sure there is a proper explanation for all of this." Yamato pressed his lips trying to think of ways to not make this dire situation any more hopeless, "Taichi said that he'll be out of of there by 4 AM. So all we have to do is wait till then and then this will all be over."

Kouta's small hands were still pressed against his large eyes as he tried to not let the tears fall down, "Why is this happening. Why my dad?" He continued sobbing, "We've been doing fine for so long! I've never been bad, I've always tried to understand Dad. So why is this all happening now?"

"..." Yamato didn't exactly have an answer to any of those questions. Why the hell is a ten year old kid asking such mature stuff anyway.

"Is this my fault?"

That he did have an answer too, "No, no. None of this is your fault," Yamato hesitated, but he put his hand on Kouta's shoulder, "Look, I don't know why any of this stuff is happening. But you have something to look forward too," Yamato tried to smile, "So don't give up yet. Okay?"

Kouta looked at the hand that was on his shoulder. His wide brown eyes swirled with innocence that only that kind of brunneous color could provide, "Okay." he nodded slowly, cleaning his nose on his sleeve and rubbing his eyes dry from tears.

Yamato felt a little better, he rubbed Kouta's shoulder and he was able to smile more easily, "Good. It'll all work out. I promise."

Kouta nodded, more so, relaxing under Yamato's touch. he pressed his lips together and he held his fingers together in front of his stomach, "It's...upsetting," Kouta looked at Yamato with the same watery eyes, "I thought I knew my dad really well. And it turns out I don't."

"That's not true," Yamato refuted. He didn't know why that'd be an issue, but if it was a problem for Kouta he'd do whatever he could to resolve it, "He's your dad Kouta. Of course you know him well, you know him better than anyone."

"No. Not really." Kouta shrugged, "I didn't even know that he knew a person like you until now."

Yamato didn't respond to that, "I just," Kouta continued, "It makes me wonder what else I don't know about my dad. And maybe if I did know,well, he would be here instead of in trouble…" He looked down, cheeks flushed with honesty and worry.

"..." Yamato stopped patting Kouta's shoulder and removed his hand. This home did seem different than what he was used to seeing from Taichi. In his memory, Taichi was a wild kid with a smile on a face and challenge in his eyes. He was always down for something new, he always wanted to have a laugh, he never held any regard to what anyone else was thinking or what could be wrong with what he was doing.  
It seemed so different from this. A house that's dusted. A curfew he never strayed from. Responsibility that prevented him from being free. They were all things that seemed so...un-Taichi like.

"I have an idea." Yamato mumbled out loud,he looked at Kouta and gestured behind him, "Go grab and jacket and get your shoes on. Come on.' As he stood up he headed straight for the door.

"What? Why? Where are we going?"

"I have something I want to show you."

"Now?"

"Yes now. Come on."

"Is that a good idea?"

"It'll be fine, I just," Yamato stopped shoveling his boots on, "I really want you to see this thing." He asked for Kouta's approval, "Will you come with me. Please?"

"...Okay," Kouta nodded. Running off to go grab his jacket.

* * *

 

After getting off of the train, Yamato led the way down the grimy dirty neighborhood. He was used to his surroundings, he's seen it every day for the majority of his life after all. Kouta wouldn't stop staring down every run down house, dumpster overflowing with garbage, and of course the hoards of people that crowded around alleys that lead underneath the street. There were a few street lamps, and the people underneath all looking unhealthy and thin. But Kouta didn't try to stare at those people too much, he just walked closer to Yamato's side and held back the urge to reach for his hand.

"Okay, we're here." Yamato starting walking into an apartment complex. Unlike the one where Taichi and Kouta lived, this one had no lobby or clean elevator. It had concrete stairs along both sides of the building and each floor look more like an equivalent to a motel with how stained the ground was and the drab people that leaned against the hand rails.

"...uh…" Kouta shot close to Yamato's side, "Um, where are we?"

Yamato looked around. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bring Kouta here, but he didn't have a choice, "It's fine," Yamato reassured, "We're heading up to my apartment. And once we're there it'd be fine."

"You...live here?" Kouta asked. But Yamato ignored it.

On the fourth floor way off on the other end of the hall. Yamato unlocked the door of his flat and lead the both of them inside, "Uh it's fine if you don't take your shoes off," Yamato mentioned, he threw his keys on the counter of his kitchen, "Although…" Yamato paused before turning around, "Wait right here for a second okay. I gotta...child proof my flat first."

"Child proof? You mean like..." Kouta cocked his head. His eyes widened and then his voice dampened to a whisper, "...pornography?"

"...Uh huh, sure kid." Yamato didn't bother telling the truth. Better to let him think whatever he wanted, "Just wait here."

Entering his bedroom which was only a short walk from where they were standing. The first thing he did was grab his stash. It had the usual marijuana, plus some packs of heroin and the tiny leftover of coke that he had the other day. He at first thought about hiding his stash some place where Kouta wouldn't be able to find it. But as he looked at the drugs he just felt sicker. Ashamed that he had this in his house when there was a young child in it. Grunting in the mix of his decisiveness and sad anger, Yamato took the box over to the bathroom where the dirty toilet seat was still up. He dumped the entire contents down the toilet and flushed it without looking back.

He saw that light pink bathwater that he forgot to drain out. Just to be safe he flicked open the plug and let all of it whirlpool out of sight. In the box he put all of his razors, soiled gauze tape, any sharp object, and dangerous looking prescriptions. Oh that's right. Bedside table. He finished grabbing all dangerous materials out of the bathroom before going back to his bedroom. he upchucked all of the pills that were on the floor. The half empty pill bottles up top, as well as the torn up pieces of his practiced suicide note. Eventually the small box got full, so he grabbed an empty plastic bag and dumped everything in there.

He should probably get rid of all of this too...but what if his toilet clogged. That wasn't a risk he wanted to take. Eyeing the bag and all of its deathly contents, Yamato tied it up tight and then buried in one corner of a room. Behind the bookcase full of random junk. Underneath his old guitar case and broken amp. He stuffed the bag of danger underneath it all and sighed at his handiwork.

"Okay," He walked back out to the walkway of the kitchen, "It's fine now. You can come on in."

Kouta nodded politely, following after Yamato. His jacket sleeves unrolled themselves in the process, and now Yamato could tell that at full length, the sleeves covered over Kouta's hands.

"Sorry...about the mess," Yamato looked around at his dirty room, "Go ahead and sit where ever though, I'm gonna go grab what I wanted to show you."

Again Kouta nodded with a cordial set of eyes. He made his way toward the edge of Yamato's bed brushed a small spot and then sat himself down.

Yamato smiled at Kouta before turning around. He hadn't uncovered this for a long time, but he knew exactly where it was. In the bottom set of drawers offset the wall adjacent to the windows. Pushed down into the deepest corner, another small box with a few chips of paint and a couple dents in the wood.

Yamato joined Kouta on the bed, sitting more comfortably than Kouta, "Here," Yamato opened the box and placed it in between the two of them, "Go ahead and look through these."

"..." Kouta eyed the contents of the box. He rolled up his sleeves again and pulled out an worn out book, "What is this?"

"Oh that, that's a photo album." Yamato smiled a little, "It's of me and your dad."

"A...photo album?" Kouta questioned as he looked at the cover. He dusted it off with the edge of his sleeve and saw that the words photo album had been appropriately labeled with stickers.

"Uh yeah," Yamato laughed it off nervously, "We had made it when we were pretty little. This whole box is just a bunch of pictures of when we were young."

Kouta looked back at Yamato with wide eyes of pure disbelief. He couldn't believe that there were actual pictures of his dad of when he was younger. Or at least, that is what it seemed liked to Yamato, "Taichi's younger sister, your aunt I guess, she liked to take a bunch of pictures. She probably got the habit for her mom, uh your grandma. And these are just the ones I have. Some of them at least."

"...There are so many."

"Eh, we were bored kids."

"..." Kouta was silently intrigued as he saw the loose leaf photos in the box. He cross legged with his back straight and opened the album up. His eyes widening as he saw the first page, "Wait, that's my dad?" Kouta pointed the picture that was dead center of the page. It was of Taichi hugging Yamato tight, smiling straight at the camera while Yamato pouted.

Yamato smiled at the memory. Taichi had light of sneakers and Yamato didn't and he was really jealous of Taichi. He didn't even want to be in the picture when Taichi's mother raised the camera up, but Taichi had other plans.

"Yeah that's your dad all right."

"And that one is you?" Kouta pointed to the image right of Taichi.

"Yeap. That's me. We were like...six or seven when that one was taken."

"Wow…" Kouta stared at the image. He looked at all the other ones that placed in the page, all of them were taken when they were runts in elementary school. Most of them with Taichi smiling wide and Yamato brooding out of shyness.

"Dad always gets mad whenever my hair gets long, but look his hair was even longer than mine's ever been!" Kouta pointed at Taichi's messy spiked hair and flowed around like a fluffy bush.

"What does Taichi not have bird's nest for hair anymore?"

"Not like this at least!"

"He actually cut his hair?" Yamato started laughing a little, "No one could ever bring scissors near him because he didn't want his hair cut. Hell, you couldn't bring a comb to it either."

"He's always makes me try to comb my hair!" Kouta exclaimed, "But, it never really works. Now I know why!" Kouta smiled too, as he flipped through the pages, "Dad was in sports?" Kouta pointed to a picture of them in middle school. Taichi was next to the bleachers dressed up in his uniform, Yamato was sitting on the bleachers with a bored expression on his face.

"Mhm, soccer was everything to your dad." Yamato remembered just how excited Taichi got whenever he talked about a soccer game, "He'd get mad if I didn't show up to his games, so to make it up to him I would go to his practices. Which were even more boring than his games."

"Oh...well that makes sense now…"

"What does?"

"Well Dad was trying to have me go to tryouts for sports at school," Kouta started explaining, "Well, he always wants me to try out for anything. But when it came to the sports teams, he really really really tried to make me go. But when I told him that I didn't like it, he stopped, but he seemed a little sad about it." Kouta looked back at the picture.

"Well, your dad really liked playing," Yamato looked down at the picture as well, "But he had to stop in the midst of a season during high school, I guess he never got back into it ever since."

"...I see." Kouta nodded and turned along the pages. He saw the pictures from when they were into middle school up to the ones where they are in high school.

"Uh,Yamato?"

"Hm?"

"Why are you showing me all of this?"

"..." Yamato couldn't find a comfortable place to rest his gaze, "I felt like you would have liked to see it that's all." Yamato shrugged off the sweet nostalgia like a coat, "It felt like, I don't know. That you would have liked it. That'd it make you feel better. Or whatever."

"Hm," Kouta nodded, keeping the album open in his lap, "Thank you. For showing me this. I do really like it."

Yamato's chest hurt. He hadn't heard those simple words in a really long time.

"You and Dad...you two were really close weren't you?"

Yamato nodded, "We grew up together. We went to the same school, and we didn't live too far away from each other. So we saw a lot of each other."

"I see…" Kouta shifted in his seat, "...What happened?"

"What?"

"I mean, why did you guys drift apart?"

"Oh...that's um…"

"If it's alright to ask."

Yamato bit the inside of his lip as he stared down as the wrinkles of his bed. He could still remember those moments between the two of them. How bad he got hurt. How mad he had gotten. Fresh like wounds on his wrists. He wonder if there would ever come a time when he didn't feel bad about thinking about it.

"Uh, it's alright, forget I asked-"

"We were young. Too young now that I think about it. But," Yamato looked at the picture of them in their high school uniforms. Looking fresh, full of opportunity, "At the time we thought that we could take care of ourselves. That no matter what came our way, we'd be fine."

"Oh…"

Yamato's mouth felt dry, his heart was racing, but for whatever reason his mind felt calm, "I was in a band at the time. And considering we were a bunch of high school kids, we did pretty good. We'd have shows and concerts and they always had decent turnouts. Taichi never missed a single one of my shows." He looked toward his discarded bass and amp, "But...I don't know. I guess we got swept up in it all. Or whatever. When we started getting more gigs and such, we got introduced to things that we were probably better without…" Yamato ran his tongue over his teeth, "We thought we were fine. But we weren't really."

"Taichi...your dad…" Yamato chewed on the inside of his cheek, "Well he had you when he was really young. And his parents weren't exactly okay with that. So that's when Taichi left home and started living out on his own. We were still friend at that point, still doing things that we shouldn't have, still getting in trouble."

"...But when you were born. It really changed Taichi. He wanted a better life for you. A life away from all of...this…" Yamato glanced around the room. He took a shaky breath, "He didn't want you to do thing the same things that he did. He didn't want you to struggle as he was struggling. He wanted you to have the best life that you could possibly get. So he stopped doing all of the stuff he used too and started doing whatever he could to actually take care of you."

"But…" Yamato clenched his fists. His stomach starting hurting again. So did his wrists, "I was bad. I was a bad guy. And he couldn't have that kind of stuff around when he had to take care of...so he. We just stopped talking."

Yamato felt like he was hurting again. Maybe it was still too hard to relive that conversation.

Taichi had been the most important person in his life. When Taichi was gone. He felt miserable. An experience he couldn't deal with properly and thus he resorted to quick pick me up like getting high or drunk.

It wasn't until he met Sora that he really started to feel better.

"..." Kouta looked away from Yamato, back down at the pictures as he gently touched him. Probably checking if they were really in front of him or not, "...I don't think you're a bad person." Kouta whispered, "I mean, you're weird. You could use a shower." He gazed back up at Yamato, "But you're a nice person. You're a good person."

"I'm...not really."

"Yea." Kouta nodded, he placed his hand over Yamato's clenched fist, "Yeah you are."

Yamato could feel the small hands on top of his cold knuckles, it almost burned him, that's how long its been since another person had touched him.

As scary as it was, it was also felt nice. Nice to have another person acknowledge him. Reassure him. He hadn't had something like this since Sora.

"...You're a good kid too," Yamato responded, "I can see why Taichi cares about you so much. You're a really good kid."

Kouta blushed a little shrugging it off. Just like Yamato he wasn't too sure how to handle compliments, "I just try my best."  
"Well, sometimes that's all you need to do," Yamato held a small smile, "You just need to try. That's more than enough."

Kouta nodded, taking his hands off of Yamato's relaxed hands. He paused before asking another question, "Did Dad yell at you? When you guys stopped talking to each other?"

"Uh well, kinda…" Yamato scratched his chin, "We had fight. So it's not unnatural for us to start yelling."

Kouta hummed in response, "It's just that, well. My mom used to live with us."

Yamato thought back on it. He remembered the girlfriend Taichi had. Long black hair, bangs on her face. It was a girl Yamato had introduced to Taichi in the midst of their party days.

"Well. I don't know if they were married or not. They had rings, but they didn't act like they were married, at least not like the parents of my classmates." Kouta shrugged, "They didn't talk much really, but then one night Dad and Mom started fighting. Fighting really loudly." Kouta fiddled with his fingers, "Mom was really upset and then said that none of this should have been happening. That they wouldn't even be in this situation if it weren't for me. Ad she said that I was a mistake that shouldn't have happened."

"She said what?" Yamato stiffened, growled practically. There was some protective instinct that kicked in and it made his blood boil, "She said that? She really said that?!"  
"...Dad got really mad at her." Kouta shrunk at Yamato's temper, "I mean, he yelled at her a lot. And he was really loud. I've never ever saw Dad that mad before…" Kouta kept pressing against his thumbs, "And then the next morning, Mom was gone. And we've haven't heard from her since."

"..." Yamato thought about the girl who's face he barely remembered. He didn't remember how she really was, in fact the only basis he had for introducing her to Taichi was that she was really hot and was down for some fun. The fact that she said that though-about her own kid, made Yamato's teeth grind,it made him livid.

"I don't really mind that she's not with us…" Kouta shook his head, "Well okay. I'm a little sad about it. But I don't think that mom liked me that much to begin with. I tried to do whatever I could to make her happy but..I don't think that was even possible to begin with."

"...Kouta…"

"So when it was just me and Dad, I mean, I was kind sad that I wasn't good enough for Mom...but on the other hand. I was kind of glad that I didn't have to worry about her looking mad at me anymore…" Kouta frowned, "I wonder if that's mean of me…"

"Nah, it's fine." Yamato responded too quickly, "You've done nothing wrong. And it's not your fault, you don't have to blame yourself just because of her."

"...Ok." Kouta nodded, trying to smile as to not feel so down about this anymore.

The two of them sat in silence, until Kouta absentmindedly flipped to the next page of the album, a photograph flew out, and Kouta picked it up from where it fell close to him.

Yamato tensed the second he saw what that photograph was, "Oh that's um-give it here."

Kouta glanced at it anyway, staring at it intently before handing it back to Yamato, "That's of Sora right?" Kouta asked as he saw the portrait of the young girl with auburn hair and gentle smile.

"Yeah...wait," Yamato paused as he glared at Kouta, "How do you know that."

"I saw the letter and the picture next to it." Kouta motioned over to the kitchen table, "That's the girl you like right?"  
Letter? Oh shit he forgot about that note he had written.

"Oh well that's uh, it's um."

"I know what it is."

"...You do?"

"Yeah," Kouta bounced as he nodded his head, his bangs falling over his forehead, "It's a love letter isn't it?"

"...Love letter?"

"Well it says how much you want to be with her and how much you miss her. That's stuff people write in love letters right?"

Yamato blankly blinked, "I mean, I guess, it's uh…"

"You know if you write a love letter, you should say 'I love you', in it."

"What? Why?"

"Uh because it's a love letter duh," Kouta titled his head as he mocked, "Dad says that life is sudden. And you don't know what's going to happen next. So if you like someone, even just a little bit, you should always say that you love them. That way if something were to happen, they at least know what you mean!" Kouta's back was straight as he looked up at Yamato. There wasn't any smugness in his tone as he lectured, just the pure naivety of a blind lesson.

"...Taichi told you that?"

"Mhm."

"Ha." Yamato shook his head, he couldn't actually believe that Taichi could ever bring himself to say that.

Well if he did...what the hell did that mean for their past relationship then?

* * *

 

After they had filtered through the box of old pictures, Yamato had taken Kouta back to his home. Having an apartment complex where there was a security guard sitting outside the entrance was better than having some homeless guy curled up at the bottom of the stairs after all.

"You should probably get to bed now," Yamato said as he sat across the table in the kitchen, "It's pretty late."

"What?" Kouta whined out loudly. Yamato noticed that he had been acting more expressive around him now, "No! I wanted to come pick up Dad!"

"What? No, we aren't doing that." Yamato had furrowed eyebrows as he rejected Kouta.

"But Dad just got out after a really bad time, we have to go pick him up." Kouta started putting away his pencils in his pencil box, "It'd be nice, and Dad would really like it."

"Look it's already too late for you to be up. I can't have you stay up any later, you still have to, you know. Go to school and such. Get a good night's rest, stuff like that."

"But I got to pick up Dad!"

Yamato sighed. Kouta had been acting so much older than he was that it partly surprised Yamato that Kouta had a normal whiny habit to him, "Look. You really need to go to bed and get some shut eye. You're not coming down to the station at four in the morning. That's that."

Kouta frowned, "So you'll go pick up Dad then?"

"He's a grown man Kouta, he can hail a taxi and get home just fine."

"But it'd be nice for us to pick him up."

"Kouta."  
"He's probably worried. And lonely." Kouta bit his lip, "It'd make him feel better if we were there waiting for him once he got out."

"..." Yamato paused. He thought of Taichi in the cell. He remembered how Taichi used to act when he was anxious. He was always moving, he could never sit still if he had pent up energy. He wonder if he was pacing around behind the iron bars. Or if he was sitting down with his head in his hands and his leg furiously tapping up and down. He supposed this ordeal would cause stress onto him, "I still can't have you be up any later than you've already been." Yamato sighed, "You have to go to bed."  
"But-"

"I'll go pick up Taichi," Yamato was leaning on the table, his knuckles pressed into his cheek as he mumbled under his breath, "Okay? Deal? You bed. Me station."

Kouta still pressed his lips together in a tight line. From the way his emotions were shining in his eyes, he was probably wondering whether or not he should agree to the compromise, or try to argue his side more, "Okay. Deal." Kouta nodded, finishing putting away everything in his backpack, "You'll be good right? No fighting?"

"...I guess," Yamato rolled his eyes, "I don't know what to even say to Taichi." And the thought of it dropped a weight in Yamato's stomach.

"Well that's easy," Kouta didn't bother making any gesture as he zipped up his backpack, "Say what's on your mind!"

Ha. If only it were that simple.

Yamato's thoughts on Taichi were a mess. A huge tangled confusing mess.

Yamato had waited a few hours after Kouta had gone to bed before leaving towards the city's station. From the outside it looked like a proper city government building, but Yamato had a few too many close run ins with the police department here in the city. He knew that the inside wasn't exactly friendly to those who were behind the bars.

Yamato sat outside on the steps, refusing to step in the building. He smoked a cigarette, although the relaxing smooth nicotine didn't feel as effective, he'd probably have to smoke more into order to start calming down.

It'd been years since he last saw Taichi. It was before he met Sora even. Sure he thought about seeing Taichi in that absence. The chance to initiate contact even came up several times. But out of spite and stubbornness he never did. The Taichi of his memory would probably be different than the Taichi now. And Yamato hoped that the same applied to him.

When they last fought...in some ways it was worse than when Sora died. The bitter sharp pain that twisted in his heart, the gut wrenching feeling of having the blood flow over the blade of the knife and pull down from gravity. The sheer ice that came from being too shocked to react. And the craving for something to numb out the pain. That much was all similar between the two of their absences. When he lost Taichi, Yamato felt like he lost a part of himself, a part that reminded him that he was still good enough for this world. It wasn't until Sora came in his life that he felt happy again. Even if that happiness lasted as long as a summer breeze.

Why was even here. This would just end badly like how it always did. This was a terrible idea. He shouldn't have come here. He should just leave. He should just go back home. He wanted to go home. No-he needed to go home. Back to comfort. Back to numbness. Oh wait, he flushed the drugs away. Oh wait.

None of this was supposed to matter anyway. He wasn't supposed to live to see tomorrow.

Yamato paused his breath. The flame on the cigarette kept burning away, even if Yamato didn't pay attention to the ash that was building up.

He was suppose to die. He was hell bent on ending his life. He wanted it. He wanted it because he couldn't stand another day. Sora was gone, and he was miserable without her.

Yamato threw the cigarette out of his mouth and on the ground. He stomped it out with his foot and snarled. It was Kouta's fault. Taking care of Kouta made him forget.

…

As hard as Yamato tried, he didn't feel right with getting mad at Kouta.  
But he wasn't sure if he was allowed to feel happy about it either.

Damn he was confused. This was confusing. This hurt his head. Made his stomach ache. Made his wrists throb.

"Yamato?"

Shocked out of his mind boggling rant, Yamato turned around to see Taichi standing a few steps above him. All the noise in his head stopped, even the static went silent.

For the most part, Taichi looked the same. His skin had gotten a shade darker in the lighting, his hair was a tad shorter, his height a smidge taller. But for the most part he was still the same brown messy haired kid like how Yamato remembered. His business attire was unruly. It looked like the collar was ripped open and the first few buttons were missing. What was definitely the most noticeable part about Taichi was the huge black eye and torn lip. That definitely looked it hurt, and it rose the most questions out of all.

Yamato must have been staring like an idiot. Taichi was standing there mouth open just the same. The two of them didn't say anything, they just stared at each other, trying to determine if the other was really there and it wasn't just some weird impossible mirage.

Yamato stood up, not moving as Taichi walked down the steps down to the street. He thought back to what Kouta said. He didn't know what to say, so he should just say what was on his mind. He could guess what Kouta meant. To say the things that he hadn't said in the period of time since they haven't seen each other. To say the things that he wanted to say when he felt he couldn't. To say the things that he should before it's too late. Before he'd be reduced to longing and rewriting the same note over and over again.

Yamato walked down the steps, he stood next to Taichi as he made eye contact once again, "..." He paused before he gained the voice to speak up, "You look like shit."

Taichi stood across from Yamato with his hands in his pants pocket, and his blazer draped on the inside of his arm. He blinked. Silent as a statue. Before he scoffed, broke out in a grin, and shook his head, chuckling through his closed mouth all the while, "I look like shit?" Taichi's chuckle grew into a soft laugh as he started smiling, "Have you looked in a mirror today?"

Yamato couldn't help but catch the smile, "At least I don't look like some MMA fighter's punching bag."

"You look like you've been snorting coke with heroin chic models."

"That's still way more glamorous than you."

"Oh please, at least my story builds character."

"The kind of character that gets beat up."

"You should see the other guy. He looks like he's been processed through a meat tenderizer."

"Knowing how cheap you are, you probably did use a tenderizer on him."

"There are no rules in a fight Yamato."

"Taichi you only bring that up whenever it favors you."

"Of course," Taichi dramatically rolled his head, "I'm the center of everything. The universe revolves around me."

Yamato blew the bangs out of his, "Ha. That's why the universe is so shitty."

Taichi started laughing. A loud burst of giggles that made him close his eyes and him trying to cover his mouth but failing completely to stifle his misplaced laugh. As hard as Yamato tried to hold back his smile, he failed. His fit of laughs bursted out like a broken air bag as he looked away and tried to control himself.

It made no sense. None of this made any sense.

Just like how they used to be when they were younger. 

* * *

 

Somewhere on the trek back home things had gotten quiet between them. Somewhere in their walk to and fro, Yamato had a warm feeling. Somewhere along the line, Yamato didn't feel as lonely anymore. He felt nervous as ever. Scared to confirm this fleeting moment to be anything other than temporary. But deep down he knew he missed kind of comfort that he had with Taichi all those years ago, the kind of comfort he never thought he'd experience again.

Yamato stood in the living room of Taichi's home as he waited for Taichi to see Kouta again. At first Yamato was going to go with him. In his wandering mind he just started to blindly follow Taichi. But he snapped out of it just in time. He felt that it was right for Taichi to have a private moment with his son. Even if Kouta was sound asleep. It felt like it was proper is Yamato was out of the picture for the father and son.

"Hey." Taichi called out as he entered the room again. Yamato nodded in response, unfazed even as Taichi finished pulling a t-shirt over his head.

Taichi paused, scratching the back of his head as his rubbed his neck in the process, he kept his hand there as he mulled over something, "So…"  
Yamato caught on, "...Yeah." He didn't really know what to do next.

Taichi sighed. In the lighting of the apartment Yamato could see the other bruises that lined Taichi's face. There a few on his arm, one over on his collarbone, and the full size of the bruising around his eye was more clear now, "Look," Taichi dropped his shoulders and turned to Yamato, "I appreciate what you did and all…" He looked up at Yamato. Even despite the bruising he looked as stern as a wall, "But. This was a one time deal. You know that right?"

Yamato's mouth ran dry. He knew what that meant. It meant what all Taichi said before all those years ago still prevalent. That nothing had changed. That this night was to be buried seven feet under like everything else.

The pain in his body starting acting up again. He thought about Kouta's innocent face and kind words. It'd hurt never having the chance to see those ever again. He thought about the comfort he just re-experienced. It'd hurt to never feel that again.  
It'd hurt way too much.

"No. I don't know." Yamato icily responded, "What the hell are you trying to say."

"I'm trying to say thank you for all that you did tonight, but this doesn't repeat itself." Taichi looked away, "I called you because I had no choice. That's it. It's as simple as that. This is not some kind of...regular thing or a chance to start over or anything like that. This is it. Once you get out here I don't want you back around here okay."

"And what makes you think that I'm just going to be okay with that?" Yamato, bit back his cheek, "Do you realize all the shit that I had to put up with tonight? All the stuff that I rather be doing and that I didn't do because your ass called me, and made me come down here to do things I shouldn't have to do?" Yamato started breathing through his nose, "I'm not someone that you can just decided is convenient to use whenever you feel like it Taichi!"

"I didn't have a choice Yamato."

"Oh and I'm supposed to care about that?" Yamato shot back, "You're the one that yelled at me to get the fuck out of your life. You're the one that made me leave! And you're the one that called me back! What the hell is your problem?!"

"My problem?" Taichi started raising his voice at Yamato's instigation, "I don't have a problem Yamato. I have a responsibility! A responsibility to my son to make sure that he has everything he needs, and get rid of anything that he doesn't!"

"Oh and I'm something that he doesn't need?" Yamato scoffed, "I fucking do exactly what you ask and this is what I get for it?!"

"Yamato! You are not reliable!" Taichi started seething, "Yeah sure, you're fine now. You're a damn hero without a cape tonight. But what about tomorrow? Or the day after? Or the next week? Or next month! You are a wishy-washy drug addict that can't ever make up his mind without swaying back and forth about it constantly!" Taichi wound up raising his voice, "Do you understand what the hell Kouta has to go through? Do you understand how sensitive normal things can be for him? I'm not gonna have him make you out to be some kind of role model, when you relapse back into whatever fucking shit you take all the damn time!"

Yamato clutched his fists, "You know this is your damn problem Taichi! You always act like you have everyone figured out! You always act like you're the only one that can think about everything. You're not God Taichi! You can't keep passing judgement on everyone just because you think you're better than them!"

"You damn right I'm gonna act like this!" Taichi shouted right back, "You weren't the only one who used to live in a damn drug alley Yamato! Do you know what the fuck I had to do to finally get out of that life?!" Taichi's stress caused his voice to strain, "I don't care who I have to drive way, who the hell I piss off, and who the hell I have to cut out-I'm not going back to that life, and I'm going to give my son the life he deserves!"

"And if I'm just so damn awful! If I'm just some druggie who won't ever change! Who's just  _so damn toxic and dangerous_!" Yamato's wrists started to hurt real bad, "Then why the hell did you call me in the first place! Why even bother having me show up!?"

"Because!"

"Because?!"

"I don't know! Because I knew you'd show up! because I knew that I could sucker you into doing this! Because I knew that you had nothing better to do. Because I knew exactly what to say to you, in order for you to not feel like such a dipshit-bullshitter! And you'd come sit down at a clean place for a few hours! Because I could use you! Huh?! Is that what you want to hear? Is that the kind of response that's gonna make you shut the hell up and out of here already?!"

"What the fuck is your problem!" Yamato was livid, so livid that his bad habit of teary eyes kicked up again. He hated this so much. He didn't even have any words to say back because all his mind could do was just repeat what Taichi had just said, "You say shit like how you want to change for the better. How you'll do anything to make things right, but face the damn truth Taichi! You're a piece of shit! You're the absolute worst! And you'll never amount to anything other than being a shit-tastic trigger happy bastard who's head's so far up his ass that he'll never be able to see what a toxic life he provides to everyone around him!"

"Get the hell out of my house Ishida!"

"FINE!" Yamato barked right back. He stomped his way through the house, taking out his pent up energy by yanking on the door handle instead of ringing Taichi's neck. His entire body felt like it had been submerged in magma. It burned, it boiled, it caked off in smooth strides that made everything irritating around him, "I don't give a flying  _fuck_ whatever happens to you Taichi! Don't you ever think of calling me again! You hear me! Never fucking again!"

"That's perfectly fine with me!" Taichi waved his hands about. About ready to burst through the roof and topple walls down, "This entire thing was a damn waste of time! Don't think I'll be making the same mistake twice! Now good bye! Good riddance! And fuck off!"

"Oh well fuck you too!" Yamato shouted right back, out he opened the door and bam he slammed it closed.

"Fuck!" Taichi shouted to himself seeing as no one was around him. In the burst of anger he kicked his sofa, hard, enough to make the furniture jump and slide across the hardwood and scratch it in the process.

His eyes closed tightly as he just shook his head and started to feel all the stress of exhaustion pile up and tumble down inside of him, "Damn it all to hell," Taichi still cursed quieter. He sat down on the couch with a plob of the throw pillows, muttering more obscenities as he covered his head with this hands and continued shaking his head even if there was no one to respond too.

"...Dad?"

Taichi shot up and whipped his head around to see Kouta in the partition between the kitchen and the living room. Leaning close to the wall as he looked at Taichi with sad confused eyes.

"Kouta…" Taichi's anger dissipated and instead all he felt was regret and guilt, "Son I was um...What are you-um. How long have you been there?" All of the questions that popped up in Taichi's head seemed stupid.

Kouta shrugged, "All of it I guess…" Slowly he walked over toward the couch, climbing onto it and leaning over to hug his dad.

Taichi's heart sank, "Sorry, I didn't mean for you to see that," He used both arms to hug Kouta tightly, "I missed you so much." Taichi kissed the top of his son's head, "I'm so sorry about tonight. I messed up big time-but I'll make it up okay?"

"I missed you too…"Kouta didn't bother nodding in response, he just stayed pressed against his dad, "You look pretty beat up…" He quietly squeezed Taichi, "Are you alright?"  
Taichi forgot about the injuries he got from his earlier fight, "Yeah yeah I'm fine. I uh, I got caught up in some drama and it got a little out of control." Taichi tried to laugh it off, "But it's totally fine. Within a few days I'll be all healed. I'll just tell people I got into a fight with a badger. No big deal."

Kouta smiled a little as his dad's bad joke. But it didn't last long, "...What were you fighting with Yamato about?"

Taichi's short pause was long enough, "...It's nothing okay? You don't have to worry about that." Taichi pulled away from Kouta and patted his head, "Look, this long night is over now. We'll go back to the way things were. And I won't ever leave you alone like that." Taichi tried to smile like normal, "Everything's fine now."

Kouta didn't move away from his dad, but his dad's expression didn't mirror with his own. Kouta held his hands in his lap,pressing his fingers against each other as he lightly shrugged, "You know. Yamato did a good job of taking care of me." Kouta started, "I mean, he couldn't really help me with he was still really nice."

Taici's smile faltered, "Oh...well that's good." Taichi's response was curt. Slow. But curt.

"Mhm," Kouta nodded along, "He showed me pictures of when you two were younger."

"Huh?" Taichi narrowed his eyes, "What? How?"

"He took me back to his place and he showed me."

"He took you to his place?"

Kouta shrugged off his dad's question, "He had a whole box full of pictures. Even a photo album of you guys…" Kouta looked down, "He said that you two used to be close. Inseparable even."

"..." Taichi pressed his teeth together as he sank into the back of the sofa. He had no idea Yamato still had those old relics. He had no idea why Yamato would bother to keep something as trivial as those old photographs of when they were naive kids, "That was a long time ago Kouta. A real long time ago."

"Yea but…" Kouta leaned against his dad, "I mean, it's not like they never happened or anything. Can't you guys work things out?"

Taichi's hand twitched, "You're being surprisingly insistent about this," Taichi rubbed his hand through Kouta's hair the action caused his son to look up, "Why?"

Kouta pressed his lips, his eyes glanced downward again, "I don't know it's just…" He took a moment to collect his thoughts, making sure he was able to say all the things that he wanted to say, "It's just that. When you were mad at Mom...you were really mad. You acted like you had been waiting to say all those things. Like you been wanting her to go…" Kouta looked back up at his dad, "But with Yamato...I mean right now. Even though you were yelling and stuff." He shrugged again, "You seem like you're really sad. Like, you didn't want to say any of that stuff."

Taichi didn't know how to react to that. He wasn't exactly the type of person to handle sudden emotional stress and this course of events was not within his common area of understanding, "That stuff doesn't matter too much." Taichi swallowed hard, "It's about what's best for you. That's what's important."

"..." Kouta thought about what his dad had said. And waited until he could word his next question as carefully as he could, "...Then why did you call him to take care of me?"

"I didn't have a choice. I wouldn't have called him if I could have called someone else."

"But Dad, I mean, technically you could have called someone else…" Kouta pressed his thumbs in his palms, "I mean there's Auntie. Or even Nana. You could have called one of them."

Taichi shook his head, "Not about stuff like this. Your aunt and your grandparents, I mean when it comes to stuff like this they wouldn't have been okay with it and it would have been a bad idea."

"I mean, but it was still an option," Kouta shrugged again, "You always say family it the most important thing. And family members don't abandon each other and they always help each other when we need it most." Kouta smiled, just like how Taichi tried to smile during his explanations, "But when it came to down to it. You called Yamato instead of your own family."

"...Kouta…"  
"That means, you trust Yamato."  
"I don't think-"

"Right?"

Taichi sat there in silence mulling over what his mature son had just told him. How he managed to have such a pure hearted angel as his own was beyond Taichi's understanding,but he wasn't about to argue about that in this moment.

He was stressed earlier. He was worried about what would happen to Kouta as the argument at work just started rising and rising and escalating beyond any control. He knew something bad was about to happen, and the only he could think of was how he was going to miss Kouta's piano practice after Kouta had just told him how he was able to play a really hard song.

He didn't even have Yamato's phone number saved in his cell. He didn't even know if Yamato still had the same phone number.

He just called him without thinking because he couldn't think of anyone else who'll wittingly go pick up his son from school without so much as a clear reason as to why Taichi wouldn't be able to do it himself.

He figured that Yamato would semi-alright with taking Kouta to practice and then back home. He figured, well next to him at least, Yamato would the one to appreciate Kouta's practicing the piano more than anyone else.

Even if Yamato only saw Kouta as a newborn the day after he was born.

Taichi sighed out, pulling his son in his lap and getting cozy on the couch. He let Kouta adjust himself and he kept his loose hug around him, "..." Taichi wound up smiling. A small grin, but a pure one regardless, "You're too smart for me you know that."

Kouta smiled back, "It's because I read more than you."

"Well good. Keep on reading."

"You should read too Dad."

"No I'm not a nerd."

"Dad!"

Taichi started laughing which made the ten year old pout. Taichi hugged Kouta tightly giving him one more kiss on the forehead. 

* * *

 

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

This whole fucking night was stupid. A waste. A gigantic fucking waste!

What the hell was Yamato even thinking? That he had a chance? That he had hope? That he could be something more than what he already was? What utter bullshit!

Yamato slammed the door to his filthy apartment closed. Storming inside fo the one thing that actually calm him down and make him forget that this awful night ever happened in the first place.

Ransacking his shelf that had random assortments placed within its contents, Yamato started clearing everything off as he tried to find his small tin box that held his desirables whenever he needed a quick fix. He slammed his fists on the shelf when he realized that in a spur of the moment he had completely flushed all of his drugs down the toilet. Damn it! Why the hell did he do that?! What the hell was he thinking!?

He supposed he could go down to his dealer's place and buy some more-wait no. Not possible. He didn't have enough money to buy more drugs. Shit. Why didn't he go into work again? Oh yeah, because he was gonna be dead and screw working his terrible minimum wage job.

...Oh wait.

Yamato snapped his head up. His bangs fussed over his bloodshot eyes. That's right. He'd been so caught up in things that he shouldn't even be a part of that he forgot that he wasn't supposed to be alive.

He sank to the floor. The cold chill that would always run up his spine came back with a vengeance. He lost the sensation of warmth in his body. His hands and mind felt numb.

That's right. He was just some druggie who needed a fix in order to forget pain. A forgettable memory that was always depressed because he was alone in the world and he'd never be able to change that.

When Taichi and him separated all those years ago, he had never been so lost. All of his actions were questionable, all of the people he was around were no longer enough. No one could come close to understanding him as Taichi knew him. No one would make him feel as humane as Taichi did.

That was until he had met Sora. The girl that sat on the corner of the bar by herself on Thursday evenings. The girl that made Yamato frequent the bar just to catch a glimpse of her. The girl that made Yamato feel a sense of bravery again when he finally approached her and tried to talk to her.

Sora understood him. Sora made him feel like a human being again.

Granted she was different from Taichi. She wasn't so keen on taking the hard core drugs like how Taichi always joked around with. She wasn't the kind to just flourish in the nightclubs and drink to stupor. But she was there regardless. Her laugh was bright,her eyes always shined. She made Yamato feel safe, she made him feel happy. That much was something Yamato wasn't sure he'd ever feel again.

That much was something he now knew he'd never feel again.

Yamato pulled himself up. Now finding a new conviction for what he needed to do. Making his way to the bathroom felt like was walking through thick mud, but he pushed himself over the edge to make the trek.

He didn't exactly like the idea of dying this way. But it was quicker than lying around waiting for pills to work. What the hell, why should he care what his dead body looked like away. He wouldn't have to deal with that mess.

Yamato plugged up the tub again and opened up both the hot and cold water valves at full blast. He remembered that he he didn't throw away his razors, he tied them up and hid them in the corner. Going back into the room he used his teeth to rip off the bandages that had been wrapped around his wrists. This was it. He was done. Screw everything. He didn't even want to write a note. No point in saying good bye to Sora when the world didn't give a damn about him.

He knocked over all of the junk that was on top of his bag of contraband. He pulled the plastic bag open,cussing out loudly when most of its contents fell all over the floor. The pills rattled like thick plastic on glass. The razors screeched like slate on chalkboard.

He scrambled on the floor to try and grab a razor. The harder he tried to grab the thin metal blade, the more it slid around the floor and pushed past him. He had to take a moment to stop and steel himself. He took slow breaths in and out until he finally couldn't hear his heart in the middle of his head. When that happened he opened his bleary eyes and managed to pick up the small razor from in between the floorboards.

_-Ring Ring-_

Yamato glared at nothing.

_-Ring Ring-_

Yamato started to grit his teeth and visibly snarl.

_-Ring Ring-_

Fuck no. Not this time. Not anymore!

Yamato stormed to this phone and before it could finish it's next ring he yanked out the landline cord. He was tired of these distractions. He was tried of his this futile hope that kept making him believe in things that weren't true. He wasn't going to fall for it anymore. He wasn't going to allow himself to be let down once again. No. Not this time. Not ever again.

Yamato didn't realize how, but he was back in the bathroom. His tub was overflowing with water and spreading all over the floor. He had the razor in his hand. The apparent cuts on his wrist that alarmingly stood out in comparison to his pale skin.

This was it. One tiny flick of the wrist. That's all he had to do. He could finally move out of this world and have his peace with it.

Yamato starting to choke. His heart started hurting. His eyes felt wet.

He managed to do this so easily at first, why was he having such a hard time now.

When he first tried to cut his wrists, he could easily push away all thoughts and sink down under the water. Now all he could think about was Kouta sitting in front of him. Staring up at him with quiet eyes full of acceptance and adoration. All he could think of is standing across from Taichi and starting up the most pointless conversation and laughing carelessly about it like it was some running gag between the two of them.

He couldn't get those faces out of his head. He couldn't shake the memory of how nice it felt to be in that situation once more. He couldn't get over how much he had longed for a connection like that in those years he spent alone.

As much as he reminded himself that it was all over. That this night was a fluke and he'd never see them again-even if he lived to see tomorrow. He still couldn't bring himself to be so emotionally cold that he forgot what it felt like to enjoy those small moments of comfort.

Damn it all.

Yamato shut of the faucet and stormed back to the phone, dropping the razor somewhere on the floor. He rolled down his sleeves and plugged the line back into his phone. He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but he couldn't do anything until this was resolved.

After all there was a chance that the phone wouldn't ring again. He supposed that-

_-Ring Ring-_

Nevermind.

"Hello?" Yamato answered as soon as he pressed the phone in his ear. In his rush he sounded rougher than he intended.

" _...Hey."_ Taichi's voice was clear through the phone. His tone was soft. Nothing like Yamato's.

And Yamato wasn't sure how that made him feel, "What do you want."

" _I um…I don't know exactly."_  
"Look if you want another damn favor or anything like that then-"

" _That's not why I'm calling."_

"Then why are you calling?"

" _Because."_

"Because?"

Yamato pressed his lips together as Taichi went silent. Yamato didn't say anything either. He wasn't entirely sure why he picked up the phone too.

" _...Look,"_  Taichi started off, " _The the stuff I said. I mean, all the stuff I said. Even the stuff from all that time ago,"_ Taichi took a long pause, " _I'm not gonna stand here and say that I didn't mean it or whatever. Cause that's stupid."_

"You're calling me to tell me that?"

" _Just!"_  Taichi shouted again. But stopped himself, " _Let me finish."_  He said. It was strained, but better than raising his voice again.

"...Fine." Yamato closed his mouth and waited.

" _...It's not like I didn't mean what I say. But. I didn't mean to say it like that or at all or whatever."_

"You're as clear as crystal you know that?"

" _It's just!"_ Taichi stopped himself from yelling again, " _I wasn't even 17 for a full month when Kouta born."_  Yamato's mouth went dry, so he didn't bother trying to think of a response. Taichi took Yamato's silence as approval to continue, " _I was kicked out of my house. I was basically on the street where everyone either used drugs or sex as currency. I mean. Shit my 'big plan' was to play soccer in Madrid!"_

Yamato remembered how Taichi was when he first found out he was going to be a dad. He was tense. Ready to jump at the slightest shadow. He kept going to parties just so he could drink, but even then it didn't ease up how anxious he was.

" _Everyone kept saying 'oh get rid of it', 'oh you'd be terrible with a baby', 'oh someone is bound to adopt a baby'. And I mean, I didn't blame them. I was an idiot back then. I could barely take care of myself rather than kid."_

Yamato nodded, even though he knew Taichi couldn't see him. They were both idiots. They should have never tried to act like adults when they clearly weren't.

" _But. When he was born I just. I don't know. Suddenly none of that shit mattered."_ Taichi's voice was transparent. He could hear how fragile his speaking was, he could tell how vulnerable his expression probably was, " _When the doctor put him in my arms, I just. I knew that I had to get myself together. That no matter what I had to do, I'd find a way to take care of him."_

The day after Kouta was born, Yamato went to hospital to see Taichi and his girlfriend.

When he entered the room, Taichi was sitting in a chair by the window. Holding a little bundle in his arms gently looking at it as if he holding the answer to life itself right then and there.

" _But I was a dumbass teen with no house, no job, no future, I didn't even really have school or any help. Megumi wasn't any help at least. Pft."_

Yamato didn't want to disturb Taichi at all, he just stood off to the side of the hospital room, and only smiled quietly when Taichi noticed his presence and looked up at him.

" _Honestly I was. I was scared. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to take care of him. That I wouldn't be able to get my shit together. I wanted out of the life I had been living, and I didn't know if that would be possible or not...So I uh. Instead of me being upfront with that. I just...I just blamed you really."_

"Taichi…"

" _No I uh, I thought that if I made you to be the bad guy, that meant I'd be the good guy,"_  Taichi cleared his throat, " _Even if you weren't at all like that. Even though I knew you for years and I knew exactly how you really were. And I know that you were my best friend and you would never let me down and...I was too scared of being a disappointment to my son that I just pushed it all on you and made you to something that you weren't."_

"Taichi."

" _I'm sorry. Okay. I really am. I shouldn't have said any of the stuff that I did."_

Yamato pressed his hand over his mouth, "Look, it's not that you're wrong either. You did manage to make a good life for you and Kouta. And you're right I'm still the slumdog as I was when we were teens. I-"

" _That's not true,"_  Taichi sounded quieter than Yamato thought was possible, " _I know just as much as you do, you only stay where you are because you think you have no reason to leave."_

Yamato pressed his hand to his forehead, "What are you trying to say?"

There was silence on the other end of the line. So quiet that Yamato could hear the electronic buzz coming out of his subpar telephone.

" _Let's do this slowly okay. You need to make sure your clean and such cause if you're not then this is not happening."_

"Wha?"

" _Friday."_ Taichi asked more than stated, " _I usually get out of work early and me and Kouta have like a fun dinner night because of it. Uh we usually get home around like three or four. But if we eat around like seven I guess."_

"..."

" _How about you join us?"_

"..."  
" _If you want to at least. Kouta would like it. ...I'd like it too."_

Yamato pressed his hands to eyes. Rubbing them with the pad of his thumb, "Yeah sure. That sounds good."

" _Really?"_

"Yeah I'll be there. Completely clean."

" _Okay. Uh. Alright."_

"Taichi?"

" _Yeah?"_

Yamato used his sleeve to clean of his nose. He tried to not sound too audible over the phone, "Thanks."

Yamato had the phone pressed tight against his ear, that's probably why he could hear the slight tremble in Taichi's breath, " _No. It's fine. Thank you. You know. For all that you did and such."_

"It's fine. Kouta is a really good kid."

" _Yeah I don't what I did to deserve him."_

Yamato smiled, "You know there is a chance that at the hospital they accidentally mixed up the babies."

Taichi scoffed, " _Oh shut up."_  He ended that with a gentle laugh.

Yamato felt lighter. Lighter than he had been in a long time. Granted there were a few tears in his eyes still, he probably looked more like a mess than he had this entire roller coaster of a day, but he felt better than he thought possible, "I'll see you later then?"

" _Yeah,"_  Taichi's tone also sounded light, " _I'll see you then."_

* * *

 

_Dear Sora,_  
_I won't lie. I still do miss you very much._ __  


Yamato smoothed down his shirt as he knocked on the door. He still wore a long sleeve of course, this time it was one of the nicer ones he had own along with a pair of pants that he actually put time and energy in caring about.

As the door opened up Yamato saw Kouta standing on the other side. Eyes excited and his mouth opened in a wide grin, "Yamato!" he shouted out, and practically jumped up to hug him.

_When you were here with me. I felt like the world had purpose._  
_You reminded me that I was worth something. That I could be more priceless than gold if I just tried hard enough._ __  


"Hey Kouta!" Taichi shouted looking over the kitchen wall. He was wearing casual clothes, but an apron over himself, "How many times do I have to tell you don't open the front door by yourself?"

"But dad it's just Yamato!" Kouta giggled, grabbing a hold of Yamato's had and bringing him inside, "It's fine if it's him!"

"And what if it wasn't him!"

"Daaad!"

"Kouta…" Yamato, didn't bother trying to move away from Kouta's grasp over his fingers, "Taichi has a point, you should be a little more careful."

"Hehehehe," Taichi started to fake evilly laugh, "Looks I win this one!"

"Ah! Yamato! Why are you on Dad's side! You're supposed to be on my side!" Kouta pouted.

"I just got here. I'm getting on no one's side. Leave me out of this." Yamato couldn't help but smile at such a childish squabble.

_When you died. I felt like I'd never be able to feel what it meant to be alive. I thought that your passing was proof that I was never allowed to be happy again. I thought that I'd have to live lonely and miserable for the rest of my life. Losing you made me remember how awful it was to be alone after being so close to someone else again._

"What are you guys making?" Yamato eyed the kitchen, and the carton of eggs, the whisk covered in batter, and the array of spilled batter over a...waffle iron?

"Breakfast." Taichi stated like it was obvious.

"We're having breakfast for dinner!" Kouta jumped around.

"...Are you using pancake mix in a waffle iron?" Yamato picked up the box of instant pancake mix that was already half empty and covered in powdery dust.

"It's the same thing right?"

"No it's not the same thing. They are completely different things."

"Okay, okay no need to get so offended," Taichi put his hands up in his defense, easing off slowly, "You can go ahead and make the waffles. I'm going to make the eggs."

"You're having your guest cook?"

"If you wanna eat, you gotta work. That's the rule of the land here," Taichi stuck out his tongue turning toward the other side of the counter to crack some of the eggs.

"Mhm," Kouta nodded from the high stool where he was sitting.

_I miss you. I'll probably always miss you.  
But. I think I'll be alright Sora._

"Oh really?" Yamato crossed his arms, "And just what job are you doing then mister?"

"I'm making the toast!" Kouta smiled proudly.

Yamato's tongue clicked, "How come you get the easiest job?"

"He called it first." Taichi shrugged, "He said it immediately after declaring that it was breakfast for dinner day."

_I think I'll find a way through this now._  
_I think I can find a way past this._ __  


Kouta got up from the stool and walked over to the cooking side of the kitchen, "But it's boring just sitting around. I guess I can help."

Taichi smiled, "Oh why thank you Kouta, that's really nice of you."

"Oh I didn't mean help you Dad," Kouta shook his head and brushed his father off as if it was nothing, "I'm gonna help Yamato!"

"Ah!" Taichi mocked gasped.

_I didn't think I'd ever get a chance like this again. I don't know how long it'll last. Or if this will end up well._

Yamato smiled quietly as Kouta stuck his tongue out at Taichi, making his dad pout even more and make the idle threat that he was going to make his favorite kind of omelette anymore.

_But despite all of that. I'm going to enjoy it while I can._  
_Thank you Sora. For all that you've done for me._  
_I think I'm ready to move on now. Properly._  
_I love you._  
_Yamato._ __  


Taichi turned around, his spatula was in his hand and flat against the countertop, "You alright man?"

Yamato looked up from the bowl he'd been mindlessly stirring. Turning back around to meet Taichi's question, he smiled gently, "Yeah, I'm fine." He was more than fine. He was comfortable.

Even if had been so far away from any kind of relaxed home environment, he felt like this was natural. He wouldn't go as far as saying that he was meant to be here...but it was close.

Taichi smiled back. As casual grin that looked more like a sideways smirk if you didn't know Taichi that well, "Good." A one word sentence that meant much more.

Yamato went back to what he was doing, letting Kouta ramble on about whatever he wanted and laughed a little every time Taichi tried to make a retort a got smack down.

This was home was unlike his own. It was warm and inviting. Complacent and shiny with the clean strength of comfort. The walls here were plain in comparison to the tiles at Yamato's house where the designs stemmed off of stains and piled on dirt.

But here there was Taichi. And Kouta. Just those two people alone made it feel more like a home than anything Yamato had ever experience.

Yamato smiled to himself. Yeah. This would be enough for him. This could be the life he could make for himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo this work is something that has been on my mind for a long time after watching a movie. I don't want to say that it's based on it, or comes close to the emotional and strong aspect that the movie provides. But it is definitely inspired off of it. I originally meant this to be waaaayyyy more Taito/Yamachi oriented, but I felt that leaving it ambiguous for the reader would be a more natural fit.  
> It was tough writing so much for one AU. I kind of wonder if I managed to make it understandable enough...ahhhh oh well. I tried something new and hopefully (if all else fails) that's enough to make this stand out.  
> Thank you everyone for reading this!!! I appreciate it!


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